"Love" =]

I had a dream the other night and it made me think a lot. In said dream, I was pregnant. It made me think of a few things. For instance, what would I do if I got pregnant? It's a scary thought, and I know that I'm not ready for a child, but what would I do? Well I think the main decision would fall with what James wants (although in all reality it should be mostly mine)... but...

Ok. Allow me to get to my point. There are different levels of "love". Me? I'm past love. I've been in love before, yes. James isn't my first serious relationship and you know what? I did love Dillon, it was just a different love. I remember talking on the phone about why my mom wouldn't let me go to his house. I used to say "If he took it too far I would stop him and if he didn't stop I'd leave and walk up to your house". But with James... I've never wanted to commit myself to someone so much. I can't remember if I was ready for a lifetime with Dillon, I tend to fall hard and fast, but I have no doubt that James is the one. I want to wait for him to get out of college, finish college of my own, then move away with him. We could start a family with kids and a yard. We could be the happy married couple that everyone envies. We could argure about the toilet seat being left up and who has to do the dishes. My future is something that terrifies me, something on high shakey grounds with little certainty. But then I think about James and I know that he'll be there with me making it all worth while. So my current level of love? There isn't one. It's not love, it's so much more than that. I have found my place in this world (his arms), I have found my future (with him), and I have found my saftey. There is nothing that can change these feelings. So I wrote a short story once (that I regrettably lost) and one of the best lines in it was "So I've labled it love" because it's not love. I just don't know what else to call it.

Sorry, but todd I love this boy. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and there's no way I can ever repay him.

Your 'love'struck friend
Courtney