I'm sick of it.

Idek what to say... but i'm so upset with myself. I'm sick of not giving a shit how i feel and watching out for everyone else. I'm sick of staring at the fucking word documents that have been in the same place for weeks. I'm sick of needing to write so badly yet not being able to. I'm sick of staring failure in the face constantly. I'm sick of being so fucking afraid of EVERYTHING. I'm sick of being over-emotional, yet hiding it. I'm sick of lying to spare someone else. I'm sick of wishing for people to notice when there's something wrong so that i can find something else to complain about. I'm sick of being so afraid of bull shit to ask for something i deserve. I'm sick of saying something and doing something else. I'm sick of not knowing. I'm sick of letting everyone down. I'm sick of being let down. I'm sick of being jealous that other people are happy. I'm sick of feeling like i'm going to cry but not. I'm sick of these stupid commercials that i've seen a thousand times. I'm sick of forgetting. I'm sick of lying. I'm sick of hitting the delete button. I'm sick of correcting people's bad english because it annoys me. I'm sick of dirty dishes that i get yelled at for not doing. I'm sick of getting half-compliments. I'm sick of the "good, but ___". I'm sick of having no money. I'm sick of not being able to help people with their problems. I'm sick of being lazy. I'm sick of doubting everything i do. I'm sick of too many soda cans. I'm sick of feeling lower than everyone else. I'm sick of feeling like i deserve the bad stuff but not the good. I'm sick of the rain covering up the stars. I'm sick of my dog shitting everywhere in the yard. I'm sick of being woken up by the barking dog as soon as my mom leaves. I'm sick of not seeing my boyfriend. I'm sick of staying in bed all day because there's nothing else for me to do. I'm sick of wanting things i can't have. I'm sick of these stupid obsessions. I'm sick of not feeling like eating. I'm sick of feeling stressed non stop. I'm sick of having unresolved medical issues. I'm sick of saying i don't care when i do. I'm sick of apologizing when i did nothing wrong. I'm sick of accepting apologies when i shouldn't. I'm sick of not talking things out. I'm sick of my bed sheets being all crumpled up. I'm sick of my bad habits. I'm sick of being me. I'm sick of me.